If the Olympics Were High School

MOST LIKELY TO BECOME AN INTERNET PORN STAR:

Leryn Franco

This Paraguayan Javelin Thrower didn't qualify for her event, but self admittedly, it didn't bother her. Her main reason for attending the Olympics in Beijing was to get enough coverage "to make me famous". If her recent internet success is any indicator, I think she'll do just that.

MOST CAPABLE OF IMPOSSIBLE FEATS:

Samuel Kamau Wansiru

This Kenyan Marathoner ran 4.8 minute miles for just over two hours. In the HEAT and POLLUTION of DOWNTOWN BEIJING. IMHO, every person who ran this marathon deserved a gold medal. I can hardly walk to the grocery and back!

MOST LIKELY TO NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN:

Liu Xiang

It wouldn't surprise me if the PRC sent him off to a work camp somewhere.

MOST LIKELY TO BE CAUGHT SKIPPING:

Dayron Robles

Cuban Hurdler who can out hurdle anyone. Althouth he didn't break Liu's record from '04, he skipped away from the rest of the field like a gazelle.


MOST LIKELY TO BE CAUGHT LYING ABOUT HER AGE:
He Kexin


Oops, too late. Already caught lying about age. . .


MOST POPULAR OVERALL:
Kobe Bryant


Not only a hit amongst the Americans, but the Chinese LOVE him. Adore him. Have a huge fan club here for him.

MOST SPIRITED OLYMPIAN
Samiya Yuusf Omar


200m Runner from Somalia who finished a full 9 seconds behind in her heat. But dudes, she's from SOMALIA. And, she's only 16. If she can run like this, she should just keep on running until she hits Egypt.

HONORABLE MENTION: The Entire Iraqi Squad



BIGGEST FLIRT:
Stephanie Rice
Australian Swimmer allegedly caught playing tonsil hockey with Michael Phelps. . . Think of the children they could have!

OLYMPIC CLOWN:

Usain Bolt

I don't care what the IOC says, this dude deserved some showboating. He only hurt his OWN chance at a BETTER World Record. Totally Irie, Mon!



LEAST AMOUNT OF OLYMPIC SPIRIT:
Angel Matos



While Dayron brought nothing but fame to Cuba, Angel brought nothing but shame when this 80+ kg TaeKwonDo athlete kicked a Swedish ref in the face after disagreeing with a call. Nice.





And now, your King and Queen.





OLYMPIC PROM KING:

Michael Phelps (Uh, who did you expect?)

The most decorated Olympian ever.

AND YOUR QUEEN:

Yelena Isinbayeva

If this Russian Pole Vaulter ever gets tired of jumping over plastic poles she can always take Brooke Shields place in the modeling world.