This one goes out ot all the ladies. . .

Hair. Love it or hate it, we all have it (well, MOST of us). And, eventually, darnnabitall, it needs to be cut. Or trimmed. Or colored. A trip to the salon can be a very rewarding outing. Usually when you know and like your stylist, feel comfortable in the chair with her, and most importantly, can convey your wants, wishes and desires (no matter how far reaching they may be) in ENGLISH.

You know how in the movies the heroine on the lam grabs a pair of kitchen scissors and a bottle of hair-dye and ducks into a public bathroom, only to emerge looking like she just spent $400 in a salon?

I'm about ready to give that a go.

Three months without a haircut lends to desperation in this household. Someone hide the manicure scissors.

It's a WHAT?

One of the pitfalls of our kind of travel is adjusting to the "norm" in every country.

After three weeks in Montevideo, we finally found an apartment, had our cable television and WiFi installed, procured a coffee maker that, however slow, does produce drinkable coffee every morning and possess a "fully equipped" kitchen. So I can cook. And save a couple dollars. You know how I like to do that (save money, not cook)!


Our landlord, Daniel, is a very helpful guy who's English is about as good as my Spanish. We correspond via email using Google Translator, which can make for some very hilarious conversations. I got an email from him the other day regarding an extra key on my ring that said, "don't worry, the garage is undrinkable". I still haven't figured that one out. But, good to know, I guess!


But, my first day here I decided I would make some tuna salad. I started searching through the cupboards looking for a can opener. I saw this rusty, nasty THING and figured it was a broken can opener piece. So, I emailed Daniel and asked him to bring me a can opener. He emailed me back saying, there are two there. Hmmmmmm.


He arrived later that afternoon to bring our WiFi router, and I asked him to show me the can opener. He pulled this apparatus out (see above pic. I KNOW. It doesn't look like a can opener). Instead of admitting I'm an idiot and don't know how to use it, I just nodded and hoped FM had seen something like this before.


Turns out he had (it must be VERY old - LOL), and he proceeded to show me how to use it. It's not that easy. And very antiquated. But, it does open a can. Eventually. (FYI - I looked at the local supermarket for an upgrade, you know - like the one that's in YOUR drawer at home? $25. For $25 I can BITE open a can.)


Point being, traveling for extended periods of time makes you into a fairly adaptable person.

Or a person who just wants to go home. I'm opting for adaptation.

Other issues I'm struggling with:

• WHY WHY WHY do we not have hot water in our KITCHEN. Seriously.
• Our brand new updated bathroom shower? Dribbles water on you like an camel spitting.
• I so hate not having a clothes dryer. Kirsten has one. NO FAIR.
• That empty lot next door to our building? Never thought about it two weeks ago. It's now a CONSTRUCTION SIGHT. And the dudes showed up at 6:45 AM this morning. So peaceful.
• Can't find feta cheese, an integral part of my diet.

BUT. The wine is fine, the steaks are always on the BBQ (this whole town smells like a BK - in a good way), the beer is lovely and every night I get to watch the sunset off my balcony.

I guess I can struggle with canned goods for a couple months.

Are you going to Heaven or Hell?

Having been out of the country these last 9 months has not protected us from major US election coverage, of which I am mostly glad. It's always nice to know what's going on in the world, but this has been a pretty exciting campaign for both the Democrats and the Republicans.

And, it's also kept me aware of just how strongly both sides supporters feel and far they will stoop.

But, after returning home, I called a dear old friend (she's not old, she's just been a friend a looooong time). I typically don't talk politics with her, as we tend not to agree and are not going to change each other's minds, but she brought up the election.

Said she was very confused.

Seems her church is preaching that a vote for Obama will send you straight to hell. That any Christian who votes for Obama doesn't deserve to call themselves a Christian.

Now, I've heard of such things going on, but this is the first time I've talked to an educated person who's actually been subject to such bullshit. Whether you're for Obama or against him, I don't think a vote for him will damn you for eternity. . . .

Just saying.

On a better note, two other friends I had dinner with last week (and vowed not to talk politics with) openly admitted at the end of the night they were voting for Obama.

I was STOKED. And very surprised.

I didn't tell them they were going straight to hell.

Well, Hello There Little Blogger Account

Boy, I've been avoiding YOU like the plague, eh?

I'm home from China, FM got to spend 36 hours here before reboarding a plane bound for Beijing (totally unplanned, of course, he'd never fly home for 36 hours) and is expected back in my loving arms on Tuesday night.

Of course, he'll probably be grumpy as hell and jetlagged to boot. Poor dude.

I've been shopping my butt off while he's gone. Spending money is so much easier when the man is not around. . .

On a good note (?), the shopping has left little time or energy for the drinking, so my liver is getting a break. All good.

Is Sarah Palin a Policitian or Stand-Up Comedian?

Without getting into a HUGE political debate (O-BAMA-O-BAMA), I must say, I'm confused. Is she giving speeches or perfecting her comedy routine?

Now, don't get me wrong. I like my politicians to have wit and charm. But I also like them to be able to speak about ISSUES without delivering a BADDA-BING after every point.

I just met this gal last week and she's already making me tired. Silly bobblehead.

I fear the average American will vote for her, thinking they're putting Tina Fey into office and at least she'll be good for a laugh over the next four years. Or maybe they think that was here on SNL.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26725961/

My Brain Hurts

All I have been doing since Friday is stressing out about buying/changing airline tickets, travel dates, hotel reservations, talking on the phone to airlines and basically ripping my hair from my head.

I think I have a career as a travel agent in my future. Obviously, I have the experience. I know more about the available flights, schedules, and change fees than the representatives I'm talking to. Sorda.

I think we are sorted out now.

I hope.

If the Olympics Were High School

MOST LIKELY TO BECOME AN INTERNET PORN STAR:

Leryn Franco

This Paraguayan Javelin Thrower didn't qualify for her event, but self admittedly, it didn't bother her. Her main reason for attending the Olympics in Beijing was to get enough coverage "to make me famous". If her recent internet success is any indicator, I think she'll do just that.

MOST CAPABLE OF IMPOSSIBLE FEATS:

Samuel Kamau Wansiru

This Kenyan Marathoner ran 4.8 minute miles for just over two hours. In the HEAT and POLLUTION of DOWNTOWN BEIJING. IMHO, every person who ran this marathon deserved a gold medal. I can hardly walk to the grocery and back!

MOST LIKELY TO NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN:

Liu Xiang

It wouldn't surprise me if the PRC sent him off to a work camp somewhere.

MOST LIKELY TO BE CAUGHT SKIPPING:

Dayron Robles

Cuban Hurdler who can out hurdle anyone. Althouth he didn't break Liu's record from '04, he skipped away from the rest of the field like a gazelle.


MOST LIKELY TO BE CAUGHT LYING ABOUT HER AGE:
He Kexin


Oops, too late. Already caught lying about age. . .


MOST POPULAR OVERALL:
Kobe Bryant


Not only a hit amongst the Americans, but the Chinese LOVE him. Adore him. Have a huge fan club here for him.

MOST SPIRITED OLYMPIAN
Samiya Yuusf Omar


200m Runner from Somalia who finished a full 9 seconds behind in her heat. But dudes, she's from SOMALIA. And, she's only 16. If she can run like this, she should just keep on running until she hits Egypt.

HONORABLE MENTION: The Entire Iraqi Squad



BIGGEST FLIRT:
Stephanie Rice
Australian Swimmer allegedly caught playing tonsil hockey with Michael Phelps. . . Think of the children they could have!

OLYMPIC CLOWN:

Usain Bolt

I don't care what the IOC says, this dude deserved some showboating. He only hurt his OWN chance at a BETTER World Record. Totally Irie, Mon!



LEAST AMOUNT OF OLYMPIC SPIRIT:
Angel Matos



While Dayron brought nothing but fame to Cuba, Angel brought nothing but shame when this 80+ kg TaeKwonDo athlete kicked a Swedish ref in the face after disagreeing with a call. Nice.





And now, your King and Queen.





OLYMPIC PROM KING:

Michael Phelps (Uh, who did you expect?)

The most decorated Olympian ever.

AND YOUR QUEEN:

Yelena Isinbayeva

If this Russian Pole Vaulter ever gets tired of jumping over plastic poles she can always take Brooke Shields place in the modeling world.

You're Standing on My Last Nerve

Lately, I've been a bit of a bitch.


Okay, maybe I'm always a bit of a bitch and lately I've been a whole lot more.


But, man. People are really getting on my nerves. It was so bad Monday night I decided to stay inside and not interact with anyone on Tuesday. I needed a time out.


Yesterday I felt a bit better and did interface with a few people.


And then we went to Paddy O'Sheas to watch the basketball game. Besides meeting an awesome gal from Maryland and her son who kindly shared their table with us, everyone else in the place, including the staff was UNDER MY SKIN.


I don't know if it's Beijing, hormones, boredom, tiredness (is that a word?) or what, but I'm starting to think I'm about one idiot away from going postal.

It doesn't feel good.

HELP!

Half a Head

We just got home from dinner and a few drinks at a HUGELY overpriced beer hall (196 Kuai for four beers, that's like $28US. WTF? Am I in the US????)

FM's watching "The Sara Connors Chronicles" or whatever, and I'm sending emails and reading blogs.

He gets up to take a leak and says, "That dude's okay, he only lost HALF HIS HEAD."

Me: (not watching because of above activities) "Dude, we only use 10% of our brain, he's fine.

FM: True

Me: But the bleeding can be bad news. Bleeding profusely from the head is always bad.

FM: Yea. That's a problem

He continues watching. I decide to blog about it.

Such is our live.

Oh yea. I'm drunk again.

Damn.

Drunk Blogging

Okay, it took everything I have just to sign IN to blogger right now.

But what I have to say, IS, I hate all these bloggers who TAKE SO MUCH TIME contemplating each word of their posts to make them such WONDERS.

Where I just sign on drunk and blog.

Where's the honesty here, people???

Heeheeheeheehee

I Throw Like a Girl

Mike heard a rumor that the Goose and Duck Pub had Olympic tickets available. He's still operating under the de-lusion we will be able to buy reasonably priced tickets for events he actually wants to see.


When I found out we would be here through the Olympics, I scoured the resources available (well, the internet) trying to find some tickets.


To no avail.


But, I humored him, and went over to the G&P to investigate. We were given a phone number to call for an organization called Golden Tickets who will have some limited availability tickets for sale "some time next week".


So, we had dinner and played some darts.


We've been to the G&P many times. Too many times, if you ask me. But, it was surprisingly unbusy last night, and Jessie the manager was extremely welcoming (as usual, I think he's 50% responsible for the popularity of this venue. . . it SURE ain't the food!).


They have a baseball pitching cage. After a *few* beers, I decided to check the speed of my infamous fastball (I don't really have a fastball, in fact I haven't thrown a baseball in somewhere around twenty years).


First attempt? 37 mph. That is SLOOOOOOOW.


I finally peaked at 52 mph. I felt a bit like a girl.


Until Mike peaked at 51 mph.


And, this morning? My shoulder and back feel like I'm 108.

Which would have been a very impressive speed.

Wake Up With Wood

We have an AM radio station in town called WOOD AM. It hosts such notorious personalities as Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura (although I'm not 100% on Dr. Laura, it's been years since I've listened to WOOD).

They, obviously, have an older audience.

But they now have billboards in town that say "Wake up with Wood", and I have to ask myself. . .

Do they know what they are saying???

Update on NaNoWriMo

I didn't write anything yesterday. Not one word. Spent three hours in the morning "researching" (read: reading forums on NaNoWriMo looking for inspiration and finding none). Then, going out and buying the paper, coffee, beer, soap. . .

Returning and reading paper, doing crossword, reading a book. No ideas.

Well, a couple. A southern guy with race issues falling in love with Israel, looking for Jewish roots in his past so he can make Aliyah, and finding he has black Jewish roots. Scrapped. A collection of travel stories in a humorous bent (think tampon stories). Scrapped. Reviving one of my older attempts at a novel. Also scrapped.

Decided to just jump in and start typing. See what happens. Have about 1200 words in the last hour. Not bad, as I'm already 1500 words behind after not writing yesterday.

The goal is not really to write a saleable novel, or even a readable novel. It's to write every day and finally get 50,000 words down in a somewhat related manner.

Title is "All That Is Left Behind".

You can check my progress at http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/237909

NaNoWriMo

Because I hate myself and am a glutton for punishment, I have signed on officially today for National Novel Writing Month at NaNoWriMo.org . As you can see, I write RELIGIOUSLY here, and sometimes over here.

But I've really never tried anything quite this formatted, rigid, and time constrained. Yes, I've started many a book while out here in the world, but I've never been able to get very far. In order to "win", I have to write 50,000 words this month. In one story. About one plot. In 30 days. While in Israel and at home. 30 days, my friends. Did I mention the 30 days part?

So, I will either have given up by Friday or come December 1 I will have the beginnings of a novel that will require extensive revisions, editing, and all those other fun things.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.