Excessive Bleeding

Five Star Hotels

Typically, we don't stay in five star hotels. Currently, we are. And the reason is, the entire city of Tel Aviv is fully booked up through the end of August, and there are not any other viable alternatives. Five star hotels tend to make FM and I a little uncomfortable. We really don't fit in. We're more like 3 star peeps who sometimes upgrade themselves to 4. . .

We can't afford $25/person breakfast buffets, or $7/shirt for laundry. We don't know how much to tip the staff, and we don't wear designer clothes. I also don't know how to respond when a reservation manager looks me in the eye and tells me there is a $60/night (!!!WTF!!! In my mind, this is an adequate rate for a HOTEL ROOM) surcharge for double occupancy (HEY, I'll wash my own towel if that'll help!).

We get somewhat snide looks when we carry beer into the hotel. And our laundry (nicely packaged in garbage bags).

All this being said, when we are paying for a five star hotel, I expect things to be perfect. I don't expect to have to ask three times for coffee at breakfast. I don't expect to have a puddle of water in my room (unexplained). I don't expect to have to call for maintenance twice on the same problem before someone responds.

And, after calling maintenance twice about my air conditioning problems (which were PROBABLY MOST DEFINITELY IN CAHOOTS WITH THE PUDDLE OF WATER) I really, REALLY don't expect the air conditioning to fail at 11 PM.

But, what do I know. . . I don't typically stay at 5 star hotels. . . .

Cost of Living

$13 for Listerine (looking into using Bombay, I think it's cheaper, if not ADA approved, and probably more fun)
$25 for non-PABA free sunblock
$5 for a pack of Marlboro Lights
$25 for lunch (average lunch for two, no BEER!)
$5 a beer
$5/piece for a beach chair
$2/quart for cow milk
$25 for I don't know how much ground coffee, it's in a tin, doesn't look or feel like much, though.

Makes that per diem money disappear fairly quickly, kids.

Bribes

In the last half hour (since the air conditioning guys were here fixing my air), the hotel has offered us a free trip to Jerusalem, the maid brought me 10 long stem roses, and I got my coffee on the first try at breakfast. Coincidence?

I think not.